I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
