turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
