you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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