Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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