you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
