Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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