Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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