Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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