woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
