Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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