Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize