the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
