I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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