dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize