if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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