Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
