Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize