I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize