I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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