69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
