I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
im six kinds of drunk right now
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
