what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you had me at cake vodka
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
