You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
