We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Randomize
