just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insuranceâ€
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
