I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
