What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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