FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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