WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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