listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
