This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
