I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
