He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
