yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
