paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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