like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
