I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
