Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
