so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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