Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
