we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize