.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
