let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
