I feel like abortions should bother me more
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
