He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
