yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
