She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
