and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
birth control should be required to get into college
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
