I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
