I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
