hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Slut skills are useful in every country.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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