my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you win again, gameday.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
