I got chris browned last night
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
