Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
