also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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