Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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