I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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