I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
