Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
