based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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