so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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