I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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