He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
