Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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