she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
how does that bad decision feel?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
