i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
