goodnight i made you a song goodbye
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
